On Being a Thoughtful Wife + The Shift I Had to Make

Happy Thursday, friends! You know what that means – it’s practically Friday! Friday Eve is just about as wonderful as Friday, is it not? 😉

I’m really excited to be joining up with my friend Blair from Blair Blogs today to chat about being a thoughtful wife. This is a topic dear to our hearts and it’s an important and fun one to focus on every now and then!

Bjorn and I recently celebrated our 2nd anniversary; it’s crazy how quickly time goes by, how quickly something brand-new and exciting like marriage becomes our new “normal!” I love this special life that Bjorn and I have built for ourselves and it’s amazing how my love for him has grown and changed in neat ways since that sunny March day when we said “I do.”

When I reflect on our marriage thus far, I LOVE reflecting on the adventures we’ve been on, the sweet, precious moments, the learning experiences, and the laughter. But I also want to make sure I reflect on what kind of a wife I truly am to Bjorn in the day-to-day moments of our life together…and this always leads me to think about ways I can be even more loving and kind toward Bjorn. (I have a lot of room for improvement in this area!)

In our mini-series on being a thoughtful wife, Blair and I wanted to start out by explaining what a thoughtful wife is to us!

I’ve seen a shift in the nature of what married thoughtfulness is, or even what it needs to be, since Bjorn and I transitioned from dating to being husband and wife. I don’t think this is necessarily the same for every couple, but it’s definitely something I’ve noticed with us in our marriage.

When we were dating, which was during a couple years of college after a year of best-friendship :), thoughtfulness manifested itself in little presents and notes and gifts I’d hand make for Bjorn. I felt this desire to show him just how much I loved him or was thinking about him, so I’d incorporate his favorite candy or a special inside joke into a little gift. I was pretty intentional about telling Bjorn I loved him or trying to uplift him, even via text. I loved coming up with small or unique gift ideas that would mean a lot to him, or simply brighten his day.

Fast forward to now: we’ve been married over 2 years and our life obviously looks a lot different from our seasons of dating and engagement! First of all, our day-to-day life is in sync in such a way that doesn’t easily allow me to sit and secretly work on a thoughtful craft for Bjorn. 🙂 We share the same workplace, so we carpool to work together most days, and (when farming or army aren’t needing Bjorn’s attention) spend most evenings together. And I’m glad, in a way, because it means that we are so deeply involved in each other’s lives that this whole two-becoming-one thing is generally like one big party! 😉 It’s a really sweet season of our life together, just as the two of us, and I’m grateful for that. But it does mean that whatever craft or gift I’d be working on (or purchasing), Bjorn would likely know about it quickly!

This necessitates a shift in thinking. I’ve had to change my mindset as to what thoughtfulness looks like in our marriage. In all honesty, I always thought that once we were married, I’d just continue with the exact same cute crafty gifts and notes and surprise treats, so this change in what thoughtfulness looks like has required a lot of intentionality.

How I’ve Had to Shift My Thinking When It Comes to Thoughtfulness In Marriage:

Want to know what it looks like?

A lot less like notes and gift baskets and mystery date ideas, and a whole lot more like time spent matching socks. 😉

(And actually, this is a hilarious illustration of how we’ll continually learn better ways to love and serve each other; we’ve been married 2 years and I just learned 2 days ago that it would really mean a lot to Bjorn if I took the time to match his socks! It’s not something I grew up doing, so I figured I was organizing them well enough by putting all his black socks in a bin together! After a bit of discussion and laughter – since socks aren’t something we often feel the need to talk about anyway! – I’ve now learned a new way to show my husband I care.)

What I mean by this “shift” is that I’ve had to move my thinking away from me enjoying doing cute things for Bjorn, to me laying my selfish desires down to do something potentially mundane or self-sacrificial for him!

Sometimes this means I have to bite my tongue because I know that a nagging wife is not a joy to live with…and what I want to say just plain isn’t necessary or really even helpful.

Sometimes this means I get up and go downstairs to get him a water bottle, just because I know it’s something that will show him I love him.

Sometimes this means mapping and planning out our future and our dreams in such a way that balances both of our desires and goals, not just mine.

Sometimes this means I whip up a hearty meal and take it out to the field, where my hardworking guy has been harvesting for the past 4 hours after a full day of teaching middle schoolers.

Bjorn doesn’t ask a lot of me at all – he is so calm, low-key, and “low-maintenance” if you will – but out of my love for him, I truly want to remember to intentionally do things for him!

This new brand of thoughtfulness is a special, precious mixture – of mundane moments, of my own self-control, and of little acts of kindness in tune with his love languages.

This isn’t to say that the cute gifts, crafts, or date ideas should be thrown out the window! By all means, it’s so fun to incorporate these whenever we can! But, I still believe that this two-becoming-one business has required a new brand of thoughtfulness – one that’s not entirely glamorous, but one that rings “I love you” just as loudly.

What does thoughtfulness mean to you? How have you seen it surface in your relationship or marriage?

Don’t forget to hop on over to Blair Blogs to read my friend Blair’s perspective on being a thoughtful wife! We’re excited to bring you the second part of this mini-series next week, so make sure you check back!