The Battle To Be Vulnerable

This post has been on my mind for a long time. 

I‘ve been thinking about vulnerability and authenticity a lot lately. I’ve been thinking about how powerful it is when women can share their stories and connect with each other, even in the hard times of life. I’ve been pondering if this means I need to express more of my personal thoughts on this blog, even if it means the less-positive ones.

The thing is, I really would like to be more vulnerable in this space. And I may be more so in the future. I would love for this blog to evolve even more into a journal and an open community where you can come and connect about more heart topics. I want you to feel like this is where you know you are precious and loved despite not being perfect. (And I do hope you feel this way already!)

I realize that I don’t open up and spill little details constantly – things I’m struggling with, what I’m currently stressed about, maybe a miscommunication I had with someone… I know that sharing the nitty gritty things of life like these would add even more authenticity to this blog…and probably make you feel like you know the real me even better! And a lot of bloggers share everything without hesitation. Which can be really good! But…

What I wrestle with is this: as a teacher, and as a person living in a really small town (663 people, and I teach in a town of 3,000), whatever I write here also becomes known amongst people who live near me and interact with me. That’s a good thing, usually. That is what community can be all about. But professionally speaking, and as an educator, I try to draw a good line here in this online space where I obviously don’t rant about personal situations or talk much about work (or rant at all, haha!). 

I think that the pull with blogging sometimes lies in the fact that you can open up to a large online audience, and still feel a bit anonymous. Maybe this stems from how I tend to care what people think of me (don’t most of us?). I think I care about it more in person than online. It’s something I’m working on and making progress in, but it’s still in me. It takes a heck of a lot of courage to open up and share one’s deeper thoughts, even online to an “anonymous” audience, let alone people you know you’ll see at Walmart the next day. Sometimes it feels easier to open up and share details online than it does in person — maybe that’s the introvert in me, or just the “anonymity” that people feel they have online now days. 

There were some things in 2016 that I probably alluded to on my Instagram or even on this blog a little bit, and some of you have expressed curiosity or concern. Thank you for reaching out and for caring! To be honest, though, I’m not really sure when or if I will choose to share certain things on the blog. I’m still sifting through thoughts and emotions and how I would even word it all! But, I know that God is good and when He is in charge of my life, I can trust Him and know all is truly well. And all really IS well! I am doing fine. 🙂

I do want to take a moment and apologize if any of my posts have been misleading in terms of acting as if I already have all the answers. I certainly (obviously!) don’t have all the answers, and never want to portray it as such. I’m sorry if, when you’ve been reading my posts, you’ve felt like the “5 tips” offered didn’t really cut it for you. But, I also want to explain myself a bit:

If my posts seem happy or cheerful (or you sense there’s a palpable smile behind the words)…it’s because I really am a quite cheerful person! Anyone who sees me in the halls at work knows I am a “smiler” and a relatively peppy go-getter. So, it makes sense that that attitude translates over into the blogging realm, where I strive to use this space to encourage and offer inspiration or advice to other women. It’s going to sound peppy, it’s going to be rather positive, and I’m going to try (ha!) to keep it pretty concise…hence all of the “5 ways to” posts. (I personally love and am drawn to posts like that – it is such a useful way for me to organize my thoughts!)

All of this is to say, I do want to be more vulnerable with you. I’m just working out for me what that can look like here in 2017! I don’t want it to seem like I have all the answers. I may share more details from 2016 at some point, but right now I am prayerfully seeking a balance between privacy and story-sharing/connecting. My goal here at Just Bee is several-fold: I want this to be a community for you, an encouragement to you, a place where you can reflect on life and leave feeling boosted in faith or productivity or attitude..and I also want Just Bee to be an open, honest place where I can journal my life happenings and join with other women on this journey! 

Of course, this isn’t an organized or set plan as to how I’ll move ahead – and I’m not going to get rid of my “7 tips to…” posts 🙂 – but I wanted you, as my dear friends and blog readers, to hear my thought process a little!

Thank you so much for being here. I am so grateful for each of you!!

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