Happy Thursday, friends! I’m joining in with Blair from Blair Blogs again for the second and final part of our mini-series on being a thoughtful wife! Last week, we looked at what being a thoughtful wife truly is, and today we’re discussing more specific practical ways to live it out. Let’s jump right in!
“It’s like, one morning you woke up and forgot to put me on your to-do list.”
I heard this quote in a movie I watched a long time ago and it has stuck with me ever since! I don’t even recall which movie it was or if I even finished watching the movie, but these words really struck me in a deeper way than movie quotes usually do!
The character in the movie was describing how a relationship of theirs had deteriorated, due to a lack of intentionality and commitment, and I think they made a good point that we can easily apply to our own relationships and marriages.
This quote brought two main things to light for me: first, I strongly feel that loving someone shouldn’t be something bland you feel you must add to a to-do list, whether literal or mental. That attitude of obligation doesn’t hold the type of joyful commitment that a relationship automatically should come with!
Second, though, that quote does make me ponder the intentionality required in any relationship. I realize these two points may seem almost mutually exclusive, but I think there’s a special kind of joyful intentionality that arises from freely, vulnerably loving someone!!
So, do I need to remain committed to knowing and loving Bjorn, and showing him I love him in ways he can hear? Yes. Do I need to adopt a sluggish attitude of “I guess I have to do this for him, because he’s my husband…”? Definitely not! But do I need to remain joyfully intentional? Yep!
Here are some practical ways to be thoughtful towards your husband:
1 // Anticipate his needs. A lot of loving someone can be expressed through simple, practical ways! I can help Bjorn streamline his mornings by having his clothes laundered, folded, and nicely organized, and buying that kind of cereal he loves…or I can help him have an enjoyable evening by having a meal planned/cooked or a towel out for his shower. Sometimes the nicest thing you can do for someone you love is to think about their daily routine and come up with simple ways you can make it easier or more enjoyable for them!
2 // Learn about the 5 love languages (and apply that knowledge!) I personally LOVE psychology and I love learning about the 5 love languages. Although most of us can’t be defined only by one category, I think that studying these and thinking about our loved one’s personality can really help us love them better!
3 // Take a step back. Marriage allows us to be fully known and fully loved. Sometimes I can gain some positive perspective by stepping back and thinking about how preciously vulnerable marriage makes us. Bjorn is fully known by me, as I am by him (in marriage, we know each other’s beautiful strengths AND each other’s icky faults), but now he also needs to be fully loved by me. It makes a difference to reiterate to yourself what your role is and what the big picture is in marriage: glorifying God by learning to serve each other. My job is not to nitpick Bjorn’s faults and alert him to ways he has failed in my eyes. My job is to bring glory to my Savior by trying my best to love Bjorn as Jesus loves.
3 // Keep a rein on your tongue. I talked about this in my post on infusing respect into your marriage, but basically, the way we speak TO and speak ABOUT our husbands makes a huge difference in our attitude towards them.
4 // Have a conversation about it. Sit down and actually chat about how you can best love and serve him. He may ask you the reciprocal question; he may not. What matters right then is that you are beginning to (or continuing to) learn ways to love him that he can feel! I talked about the whole “matching socks” situation in my post last week, and it was fun to hear how some of you could resonate with that, too! Sometimes, no matter how long we’ve been married, we’ll learn of a new way to love our husbands! 🙂
5 // Study scripture and pray for that attitude change. Ask God to show you how you can better love your husband. Pray for fresh eyes to notice those little things you can do for your guy!
I’ve asked some of my blog friends to share ways they strive to thoughtfully love their husbands. Here are a few of their tips:
Leah Grey is a note-leaver. She says, “My husband has a devotional notebook so I like to go through it and leave little love notes on random pages. I also stick them in his car, his drawers, in the fridge on his favourite meal. It also reminds him I love him everywhere he goes!”
Amanda from New Life Overnight says that respecting her husband and treating him like a king are ways to show him thoughtfulness (even if it is in small things, such as making his dinner plate for him).
Kayla from The Accidental Nomad Life says she had the conversation with her husband one day to ask him what things she could do that make him feel loved – he asked for matched socks and a bed made! And he loves having dinner ready or cooking when he walks in the door. She says, “It’s the little things that show you think of him.”
Diera has been reading a book about happier husbands and they recommend giving your husband a 5-30 second kiss every day! She implemented this tip without telling her husband why, and he commented on the increased affection and love! She says, “Who knew intentional kissing could communicate such volumes!” 🙂
Danielle from According to D says, “My husband and I have been together since we were 14, about 12 years now. And I find surprising him with little gifts here and there makes him feel loved.” She knows he loves certain nice shirts from Nordstrom so she randomly surprised him with one. And she says that “when he goes away on business trips, I’ll pack a letter in the bag letting him know how proud I am of him.”
Isn’t it fun to hear how other wives are striving to thoughtfully bless their husbands?
My hope is that this mini-series has inspired you to either try some of these practical tips in your own marriage, or to open the door with a sit-down conversation about loving each other in practical, thoughtful ways!
Don’t forget to stop by Blair’s blog for her post in this mini-series! Not familiar with Blair Blogs? Blair is a wonderful, thoughtful lifestyle blogger whose blog focuses on encouraging and inspiring women, as well as simplifying life as we all try to figure it out! Here’s her post on being a thoughtful wife from last week.