6 Practical Ways to Support Your Husband’s Dreams (Part 1)
One of the neatest things about marriage thus far (and something that has surprised me) is the intensity of the commitment to be each other’s greatest champion!
The fact that Bjorn and I are on the same team, forever, provides me with the perfect reason to support him as he follows his dreams. After all, my husband has been the greatest encourager and supporter of this blog and its growth over the past couple years – as I’ve mentioned before, he has helped me to dream bigger dreams than I ever considered before! And his dreams (whether they come into fruition or not) will obviously affect my own life journey as well!
So, not only out of gratitude and reciprocity, but also out of my deep love for this man, I want to fully support Bjorn and his dreams!
In some marriages, the dreams line up. You’ve realized early on that you both want the same things and your goals are synonymous. That makes the journey easy. You get to plot out the steps and the desired end results together! In other marriages, your goals may overlap, but you may find yourself at different places. You might find yourself discouraged or out of sync, and you just plain want to walk the journey with a matched stride again.
In all honesty, I’ve found myself in both of those situations over the past couple years of marriage (and the season of dating beforehand). But I’m convinced that we as wives should do what we can to support our husbands’ goals and dreams. Here’s how:
6 Practical Ways to Support Your Husband’s Dreams:
1 // Be understanding when he needs to devote time to them. As I’ve talked about before, Bjorn has been taking on more farming responsibilities lately outside of his teaching and army duties. It’s something he loves to do and we’re excited about future farming, but farming is an extremely time-consuming endeavor at times. One of the hardest lessons for me these past 12 months has been learning to be understanding when he comes home from work only to leave immediately for farming tasks until late in the evening. This is particularly true during the busy planting season and then crazy-busy harvest time in the fall.
What’s gotten me through many a quiet evening and weekend at home has been my commitment to support these dreams of Bjorn’s. (And the fact that farming is busy for a only a season 🙂 ) I had to realize that I needed to let go of my selfishness and truly be okay with him spending time away. He is such an ambitious man and we’ve had multiple conversations about how I can make this so much easier for both of us if I remain supportive and understanding of his drive to accomplish these dreams of his. At this point, I’m still learning but I am so much more understanding because I keep the end goals in sight. Out of my commitment and deep love for him, I know that I need to give him that time to work hard at these dreams – because he should come home to a warm meal and a welcoming home, rather than his wife’s complaints or whining about his absence.
I’m really excited about Bjorn’s goals – not only farming, although that is an easy example to use. But what should we as wives do if we aren’t personally excited about our husband’s dreams? One of the worst things I’ve heard you can do is to disrespect and belittle his goals. If you make your husband feel as though his hard work is useless or his goals aren’t worth accomplishing, it is so often directly correlated to belittling his identity and purpose. So one of the things I push myself to remember is to NEVER make Bjorn feel like I could care less about his striving. If his goals are God-honoring, then a husband should never be made to feel like his work is for nothing.
2 // Pray for a flexible, supportive attitude. Praying for a changed heart is huge! And often, in life, we pray for changed circumstances when we really should be praying for a changed heart-attitude. I’ve mentioned in my pre-motherhood post that my heart-attitudes are something I really feel God working with me on.
I recently finished reading a fiction novel in which the wife kept praying for her situation (and her husband’s work circumstances) to change. Finally, though, she had a revelation and she began to pray that her own heart-attitude would change and pray for her husband as a person. The result was drastic – both she and her husband felt a renewed love and respect for each other, and a commitment to support each other’s dreams!
Praying for your own heart to be changed by God will always have positive results in the lives of those around you! And in this case, your husband will always benefit.
Bjorn has told me that a man can do a lot EVEN IF no one else in the world believe in him, as long as his own wife believes in him. But, he says, good luck to the man whose own wife does not support and believe in him. This has been the basis of a couple late-night conversations for us – and this truth is so meaningful to me that right now, as I type this, my eyes fill with tears. We MUST realize the power and influence we have in our husbands’ lives – to belittle and shatter their dreams, or to empower them to soar as we love them with a courage that only God can give us!
That’s all I’ll leave you with for today. Be watching for Part 2 of this topic coming up! 🙂
How do you strive to support your husband’s dreams? What has been the hardest part for you?
Oh man, I have struggled with part 1! Jordan is super dedicated to running, coaching, and training and he does amazing things with the high school guys he coaches, but I am so quick to get frustrated when he’s home late or takes longer than I expected. I’ve been doing a lot of praying for a more supportive and flexible heart and I love that idea. I’m excited to read the rest of your tips, Hannah! These are super insightful and well expressed. I hope you guys are finding a good balance in the midst of the craziness (or that winter weather means those farming duties get pushed to the wayside a bit – I’m not really sure how all that works!).
🙂 I’m glad to hear you resonated with this post, Lauren! Your husband certainly has a lot on his plate – I know that coaching can be such a big time commitment. We are finding a good balance right now — on warmer days, there are sometimes farming tasks or errands that still need to be completed, but for the most part, my husband’s around! Hurray! 🙂 But yes, I am definitely working on staying encouraging and kind towards my husband when he has those long days, too.
I wanted to cry reading this, Hannah, truly. My husband and I are both really ambitious and we’re wrestling with balancing the dreams we have for our own careers and the dreams we have for us as a couple. I haven’t been as verbally supportive lately in the mess of wrestling with my own options, and this reminded me to speak words of encouragement more often!
Oh, Daisy. Thank you for your honesty, friend!! I know you are ambitious and I know there are options to consider — I am thinking of you during this time! It really is difficult to balance career and relationship goals! We all want to dream big and be the best we can be. I definitely always need to be intentional about speaking encouraging words to my husband — I’m glad we can support each other in this goal!
We have gone through different times when he’s been supporting me with my dreams(finishing school while working full-time!) and right now I’m supporting his. He usually makes dinner and helps more with the household chores but because he doesn’t have time so I’ve taken over everything with the household and it’s hard but I understand what it’s like when you accomplish a goal or dream so I’m letting him have his time and being his biggest cheerleader.
Thank you for sharing about your seasons, Elyse!! It is so neat to hear that you and your husband have each taken a turn with supporting each other’s dreams. What a beautiful picture of love and support!
Very well written! Sadly, I’ve seen so many married couples where they did not support the other person’s dreams or goals. In fact, specifically denying the other person even the opportunity to strive for them. It’s sad. If people marry to fulfill their own needs and fail to see the humanity and desires of the other person, that marriage is doomed from the beginning. I couldn’t imagine denying my husband his dreams. Though, so many people have this as their reality.
You have really good points, Kari! Thanks for sharing them. I’ve definitely heard that some people marry to fulfill simply what they want out of life — and it’s huge to remember that there is another person in the marriage – someone with dreams, hopes, and feelings, too! It’s encouraging to hear that you’re dedicated to supporting your husband’s dreams!