One of my very favorite things to hear is someone really building up their spouse. There seem to be more than enough “My husband is so stupid” conversations out there. Speaking well of my husband is something I take very seriously! In my marriage, I consider it my job – my commitment – to be Bjorn’s greatest champion. It’s not my job to nag him and tear him down, and assume that someone else will be his cheerleader in life.
When I made the promise to love my husband through every avenue of life and to be his forever-partner, that included the fact that I was to be his greatest encourager. Marriage is the most intimate relationship that two humans can have – therefore, my husband needs to feel encouraged and cherished by me since that puts me in such an influential position in his life! This takes intentionality, especially now that I am a mother as well. As much as my focus is on Sophie, it’s important for me to prioritize loving my husband, too!
1 // Figure out his love language and then really run with it! There are 5 major love languages according to Gary Chapman, who wrote a book about them years ago. Whether your spouse’s love language is Acts of Service, Physical Touch, Quality Time, Gifts, or Words of Affirmation, it’s important to know what ways of reaching out mean the most to them! You may be loving your spouse as best as you can, but are they “feeling” it? Perhaps they just crave Words of Affirmation from you, while you have been buying them gifts – if you’re feeling a sense of disconnect with them feeling cherished, perhaps it’s time to reevaluate what means the most to them! Bjorn and I share Quality Time as one of our top few languages, which has really been nice as we’ve learned to show each other love. In the meantime, I’ve learned that Acts of Service means a lot to him so I look for ways to do little tasks to help him out!
2 // Do not play into the “my husband is so stupid” game. I wrote an entire guest post on this topic a long time ago on Claire’s blog! This is a hugely important topic in marriage…and it doesn’t even involve being in the same room as your spouse! One way you can uplift your husband is to speak of him in a respectful way when you’re around others. This shows others that you cherish him, care about him, and don’t want him to look poorly! In marriage, you’re supposed to be a team.
This doesn’t mean that we cannot disagree with our husbands! The nature of having two different people in a marriage means that there will be two very different opinions at times! I’ll touch more on this in a second.
3 // Thank him for what he does. And you have a massive list of things to choose from! (This includes the really weighty things as well as smaller tasks.) Does he take out the garbage? Does he work extra hours to make something possible for you and your family? Show your appreciation for him. Let him know that you notice his effort (in any area of life) – it will make a difference!
4 // Pray for him. Taking the time to bring your husband – and your marriage – before God in prayer can be an attitude changer in itself, as you intentionally make your marriage a priority. Ask God to show you meaningful ways to love your husband and uplift him!
5 // Word your disagreements respectfully. When you’re frustrated and have a concern to bring up with your husband, preface it with loving words towards him…and surround the conversation with prayer and an effort to really be constructive and see the best in him. Having this prominent position in his life as his wife doesn’t mean that we should use this opportunity to disrespect him simply because we know him well. We also should try not to say something mean that we will later regret, just because we’re annoyed in the moment.
6 // Find little ways to serve him. This relates a bit to the love languages topic, but I believe that no matter what a husband’s love language is, small little acts of service can mean a lot! Whether it’s having a fresh towel out for his shower, a warm supper ready, his favorite sports drinks in the fridge, or even giving him a back rub as he works at the computer, figure out what little things are meaningful to your husband!
How do you strive to uplift your husband?