It’s no secret: marriage is important to me. I love the topic, and I always have – even before I knew who my husband was. I loved talking about it with mentors and friends…and hearing Scripture, others’ opinions, and advice on the subject. It was something I wanted (and hoped and prayed for, in God’s timing) and I wanted to go about it the right way.
My relationship with my husband is utterly precious to me. And here’s the thing: it was utterly precious to me long before that man walked into my life.
It all started on an excruciatingly looong day in 9th grade health class, while we were watching a video. I was bored and the teacher had told us we could do whatever we wanted, as long as we were quiet. (Now that I’m a teacher myself, I’m like ???! Seriously?! ) So, as the rest of the class doodled, texted, passed notes, and slept, I picked up my mechanical pencil and turned to the Notes section of my little planner. I tore out a page and hesitantly, haltingly, penned those first few tender words to Bjorn. The letter rattled on about little things (“I have a test coming up”) until it circled around to its main purpose. I began to try to describe just how much I already cared for my future husband and told him how excited I was to meet him!
I thought that letter was a one-time thing. Even just a cheesy thing. But as time went on and my teen and college years passed, I found myself still drawn to the subject of marriage. Not wanting to stop there, at simply learning about it, I wanted to continue penning these letters to my future husband – a one-way conversation for so long, until the day it could become a two-way street. 🙂
I wrote between one and two letters a year to FH (as I’d affectionately begun to call him). Not too many, but over time they accumulated in a gallon-sized ziploc bag labeled “FH”: about 15 in all. Only a few close friends of mine knew I was doing this – it wasn’t a huge secret, but it certainly was a little project close to my heart.
But one person didn’t know about the letters. Bjorn didn’t know I had been writing him all those years. I had been waiting until we were engaged to give him my FH letters…although I have to say, I knew he was FH from the first time we kissed. It was a done deal for both of us at that point; going into our dating relationship, we both knew it was our future spouse we were with! <3 We had been best friends at college for over a year before we began dating (more of our love story and how all THAT came about here!) and then got engaged after dating a year and a half.
One evening, a week after Bjorn had proposed, I headed over to the house my fiancé shared with “the guys” for a date night. Oftentimes our date nights consisted of making supper together and watching a movie with his roommates 🙂 But this time, I had carefully packed my “FH” ziploc bag into my backpack. I told him I had brought a special present…and thus began one of the sweetest evenings of our lives. This handsome, strong man – who wasn’t one to become outwardly emotional – was incredibly touched by these innocent, joyful letters of promise. We have the most special memories of that evening: Bjorn getting to unfold letter after letter from the bag and attempting to read them out loud around such palpable emotion, and a whole lot of happy tears and excitement about the future. To this day, that evening when Bjorn first got to read the “FH letters” remains forefront in our minds as one of our most tender, special memories yet.
If that’s not convincing enough, here are the main reasons I strongly recommend you ladies write letters to your FH:
1 // They actually function as a neat type of a journal – snapshots of where you are in life right then. For example, some of my letters say, “I hope you’re doing well. I’m swamped in studying right now because I’ve got 2 more AP tests next week!” What a fun way to freeze time and where you were at when you were that age 🙂
2 // They offer you a fresh perspective on life – writing a letter to your future spouse keeps you focused on the future. I always felt that when I took the time to write FH, it helped me to rise above my current circumstances, and see the big picture of what I was striving and hoping for…A great, solid education, a good job…and then hopefully, eventually, a husband and family. It was a lot to think about at 15, but these letters brought my life’s bigger purpose into perspective on those moody teenage days. And we ladies know that at age 15, we could all use a bigger, fuller perspective on life! 😉 Hope and expectation are powerful things, and they are something these letters are definitely full of.
3 // Writing FH letters reminds you to be striving for self-improvement; if you will, it reminds you to be bettering yourself. I’m certainly not saying that others who are single or already married aren’t bettering themselves anyway! But we all want to be the type of person our spouse has always wanted, out of love for them! My letters often expressed the desire of my teenage self to “become the loving, kind, gentle wife you are looking for.” It even directs your prayer life, as you are asking God to bring this man into your life, if it’s His will – and as you ask God to help you become a more godly woman. It was wonderful continued motivation for me to write these letters as a commitment to Bjorn that I would strive to truly be gentle, be loving, be forgiving, and be the wife he needed.
4 // It WILL mean a lot to him. There’s no doubt about it. Like I explained above, my dear husband is a tough guy and not outwardly emotional most of the time. But his reaction, that one quiet night during our last week of college… Man. I’ve been married to him over a year now and that moment still ranks as an unbelievable heartstrings-pulled moment for us. 🙂
Have you heard of writing FH letters before? Ever done something like this? Or a special present for your husband once you got engaged? I’d LOVE to hear your stories, ladies! 🙂
I’ve created a free love letter template just for you – whether you’re already married or not, you can use this printable to pen a meaningful letter to those you love:
PS – If you enjoyed today’s post, feel free to stick around! 🙂 I love writing about marriage and motherhood. Make sure you’re following along on Instagram for more daily snapshots of our life together!